With New York public schools only partially reopened, many working parents recently had their one-year anniversary of working from home with their kids. If you're like many working parents, work-life balance was almost nonexistent for you over the past year. The physical separation that used to exist between work and home has disappeared, and you're constantly being pulled in a dozen different directions.

You may feel overwhelmed, anxious, ineffective, and burned out all at the same time. While your job used to give you a feeling of mastery and purpose, you've started to feel like an imposter. You may also feel guilty for shutting your door on your children as you try to work, eroding your confidence as a parent. Self-care may also have gone out the window (when was the last time you showered?).

Working from home with kids is creating a parental mental health crisis

Mom working while kids are running around the house. NYC 10003

If you feel like your current situation is unsustainable, you're not alone. A recent study found that well over half of working parents are struggling with pandemic-related parenting demands. That's not surprising since many structural support systems parents used to depend on—including daycare, school-provided lunches, after-school activities, etc.—are either limited or unavailable right now.

Some people are saying that this is the new normal, but we think parents can only handle this situation for so long without getting some kind of support. Thanks to vaccines and dropping infection rates, there is light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, working parents need to be proactive in protecting their mental and physical wellbeing.

Five tips to help restore work-life balance

We can't magically change things back to the way they were (we wish). We can't even predict when working from home with kids will no longer be necessary. What we can do as counselors for parents is help working moms and dads in New York City take better care of themselves. Here are a few tips to help you do that:

1. Create firm boundaries with your kids

Many of our patients say they feel guilty about not relishing every opportunity to spend time with their children. "Shouldn't I want to be with them 24 hours a day?" On the contrary, it is normal and healthy to seek fulfillment in other areas in your life that have nothing to do with your role as "mom" or "dad."

Your child may want to be with you 24/7, especially if they're young. But that's not healthy for them, either. Kids who are constantly entertained and never feel any disappointment will be in for a real shock when they venture out into the real world. Experiencing a little discomfort now and then can help your children learn how to tolerate life's ups and downs.

2. Look for things to let go of

Do yourself a favor and don't believe everything you see on mommy blogs. Those perfectly framed pictures of mom looking beautiful while baking elaborate birthday cakes in a spotless kitchen aren't an accurate representation of real-life — they're a fantasy designed to get clicks. Contrary to depictions like these, it's impossible to do it all. To succeed in one area of your life, you often need to sacrifice something in another.

Instead of trying to be a super parent all the time, ask yourself whether everything you're doing is essential. Do you really need to do your own laundry, or could you hire a laundry delivery service? Is it actually necessary to feed your sick child a fancy homemade electrolyte drink, or could you just grab a bottle of Pedialyte from the bodega? If something truly brings you joy, you should do it! However, you need to think about what is or is not a good use of your time if you want to create a work-life balance.

3. Find an empathetic ear

Even though the majority of U.S. workers are parents, a recent study found most working parents didn't feel supported by their employers when struggling with childcare-related issues.1 Even if you think your colleagues or boss will be sympathetic, you might prefer to keep details of your personal life private.

Talking to someone who can empathize can feel validating and help you brainstorm unique solutions to personal and professional challenges. You could phone a friend who is going through similar challenges or join an online support group. Better yet, talk to a professional who can help you work through the psychological hang-ups that may unwittingly be keeping you stuck.

4. Schedule time for self-care

Person stretching legs after running through NYC. | 10003

It might seem crazy to schedule basic things like eating or showering, but if that's what it takes, that's what it takes. Put it on your calendar, and consider having a relative or nanny drop by to buy you some extra time. If you don't have access to childcare, you might allow your child to indulge in one of their favorite treats to keep them busy for a few minutes. Serving ice cream for breakfast isn't something you should do every day, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

If you struggle to hold yourself accountable for self-care, fill someone else in on your self-care plans. When you know your therapist will follow up with you on whether you stuck to your plan, you'll be more motivated. If you don't have a therapist right now, find someone else to serve the same purpose. Schedule a running date with a friend, or create a self-care pact and weekly call with a fellow working parent.

5. Don't operate on autopilot

Unquestioned beliefs and assumptions can trick you into taking on too much, so start questioning them. Does your daughter truly need a homemade unicorn cake that takes hours to make (but only five minutes to eat)? Just because your own mother always did the family laundry, does that mean you have to do it, as well? Do I really have to take on every single new project I’m tasked with at work or could I actually set some boundaries for my own well-being?

Unexamined thought patterns can also prevent you from properly taking care of yourself. Ask yourself: Is it really good parenting to be available to my child every second? Is it selfish to spend an hour in the bathtub, or might that downtime actually help me become a more patient, less reactive parent? Should I

feel guilty about focusing on my career, or should I embrace the sense of purpose and pride it contributes to my life?

The guidance of an experienced therapist can help you shift from mental autopilot to conscious decision-making. A parental psychologist can also help you resolve the anxiety, guilt, overwhelm, and other challenging emotions you've been dealing with.

As counselors for parents in New York City, we understand the unique challenges of working from home with children. We offer secure online therapy sessions to connect you with professional support from the convenience of your home. Visit our counseling for parents page, check out some tips we have for busy professionals who have trouble letting go after work (particularly difficult if your work and home are lacking that boundary you had working from an office before), or schedule a free consult to start the process of creating a healthier work-life balance.