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According to Fortune magazine, the use of dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid has surged during the pandemic. It’s easy to imagine why people would look for ways to curb the loneliness that has run rampant during the pandemic; the social isolation that we thought would be over in a month or so has been going strong for more than a year. And while the ongoing vaccine rollout may allow us to return to some semblance of romantic normalcy, many people are tired of waiting.

If you’re single, you may have been wondering how to meet people in a pandemic. At the same time, you’re questioning whether spending time on dating apps would even be worth it. Out of respect for our patients’ autonomy, we don’t encourage or discourage them from using dating apps. Instead, we help them explore the potential pros and cons so they can make their own decision.

If you’re hoping dating apps will get you through the rest of the pandemic without so much isolation, you need to know what you’re getting into. In our role as relationship counselors in New York City, we have worked with many people who have used these apps. Based on their experiences, we believe there are several things you should keep in mind when relying on dating apps in a pandemic.

Some People May Not Support You

Many of our patients have had bad experiences with friends, loved ones, or even prior therapists being dismissive or negative regarding the use of dating apps. If you mention to your mom or your coworker that you’re using a dating app to help you get through the pandemic, they might tell you to just wait until the pandemic is over to start dating again. Thanks to the constant emergence of new variants, though, who knows when that might be.

While these naysayers are entitled to their own opinions, we believe dating apps are a perfectly legitimate way of expanding a person’s pool of potential matches. In fact, online venues are more or less the only way to meet a lot of new people in a pandemic. When using dating apps, we recommend reserving the juicy details of your online romantic prospects for the people in your life who can be fully supportive.

It’s Easier to Miss Red Flags

When you meet someone in person, you can see their body language. If there’s something off about their story or their intentions, it’s usually somewhat obvious. When you date someone online, you don’t have access to that information, and potential matches’ profiles and messages have usually been carefully crafted to make a good impression.

If you’ve only known someone online, and perhaps only for a few weeks, there will still be many blind spots in terms of what you know about them. At this stage of the relationship, we’ve seen many of our patients fill in the blanks with their own hopes and fantasies. In so doing, they often miss the red flags that would have been obvious otherwise. The loneliness you may be feeling during the pandemic could make you especially vulnerable to this kind of self-deception, so that’s something you should watch out for.

You’ll Still Have to Put a Lot of Time and Effort Into It

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The massive pool of people available in dating apps allows you to identify potential matches much more quickly and easily than you would by, say, spending night after night at your local bar. Unfortunately, your initial successes with dating apps can set unrealistic expectations that your relationships will progress as quickly and easily as swiping right.

Even when you’re dating someone in person, it can take multiple months for a new relationship to reach the point of meaningful mutual commitment. Since face-to-face meetings are a bit harder to arrange for those dating during the pandemic, it may take even longer. By setting this expectation from the start, you may find it easier to slow yourself down and enjoy the process of just getting to know someone.

There Are Downsides to Dating in a Vacuum

Most New Yorkers are still working remotely and limiting how often they meet with family and friends. That means they rarely have anyone to talk to about their online dating experiences. If someone ghosts you or sends you a cryptic message, you may have to interpret the situation independently without the benefit of an outside perspective.

Unless you’re 100% confident in yourself and know absolutely everything about dating, you might tend to internalize it when things go wrong. To avoid falling into a spiral of shame or self-blame, make sure you have someone knowledgeable and supportive to talk to about your online dating experiences. That way, the next time someone ghosts you, there will be someone there to talk you out of taking it so personally since you just don’t have enough information to really know what happened.

You Might Not Meet “The One”

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We know plenty of people who have found love and marriage through dating apps. That said, it’s equally possible that your online search for a partner will come up empty. Keep in mind that dating apps are just one way of meeting people. You might meet that special someone online, or you might meet them unexpectedly at the grocery store, or the park, or on the subway. There’s no way of knowing.

If there’s no guarantee of finding “the one” via a dating app—you may be wondering—are dating apps even worth it? As long as you have the right expectations, we think yes. Connecting with people online can teach you a lot about yourself, what you want in a partner, and what you don’t want. It’s also a great way to brush up on your social skills.

Support From A Relationship Counselor in NYC Can Help

Regardless of what avenue you use to meet people during the pandemic, finding a good match likely won’t be easy. It involves a lot of vulnerability to put yourself out there consistently enough to find a good fit. If you’d prefer not to go through this alone, we can help. As state-licensed relationship counselors in New York, we offer relationship counseling for singles living in New York City and throughout the Empire State. Reach out to us to find out more about individual relationship counseling.