Contributed By: Suyana Handman

“How soon is too soon to move in with someone?”

If you’re asking yourself this question, we applaud you for being so thoughtful about it. Moving in together can feel like a big step forward in your relationship, which can be anxiety inducing for couples who aren’t sure if they’re ready for such a large commitment. On the other hand, some couples in the “honeymoon” stage of their relationship are so excited by their partner’s potential that they push things forward without considering how soon might be too soon to move in together before they plow ahead.

Man and woman smiling at each other while they unpack moving boxes.

If you move in with your partner before you’re both ready, you’ll put a lot of new pressure on the relationship. Best-case scenario: you add unnecessary stress to the already-stressful task of moving and adjusting to a new place. Worst-case scenario: the relationship doesn’t survive the onslaught of new problems that moving in with a partner can bring.

So, when is the right time? Friends or family members may have told you that you have to wait a year or some other predetermined amount of time before moving in together. In reality, there is no specific timeframe. The “best” time to move in together is totally individual. It depends entirely on the couple and the relationship.

If you identify with all of the following statements, you and your partner may be ready:

You’ve thought through the practical implications

What time do you get up for work? Will you and your partner be fighting over the bathroom as you’re both getting ready? What about your bedtime routines? If you’re an early bird and your partner isn’t—or vice versa—how is that going to work? You should also consider the impact of your differing views on household duties in terms of what chores should be done and when.

When your lifestyles merge, there will inevitably be some things to work out. You don’t have to sort it all out ahead of time, and it’s okay if you initially have some anxiety about it. By sharing your thoughts with your partner and mentally bracing yourself, you’ll be more prepared to handle unforeseen logistical conflicts.

You know the dynamic will probably change

Even if you and your partner already spend a lot of time together—and enjoy every minute of it—that doesn’t mean your cohabitation will be all sunshine and roses. The dynamics of your relationship will inevitably change, and you will need to adapt.

For example, if you’re moving into your partner’s space, you might feel like the place isn’t “yours.” You might feel like you’re underfoot, and your partner might chafe at some of the changes you bring to the space. You might also have some unspoken expectations about what it means to live with a person. For example, you might expect that once you move in together, you’ll always have someone to vent to after a rough day at the office. But, your partner might need some time to decompress at the end of the day before engaging in conversation.

Issues like these can be resolved as long as you and your partner respect each other’s needs and are willing to compromise.

You feel comfortable communicating your needs

When you start sharing a space with your partner full-time, it’s inevitable that some of your needs will conflict with theirs. It’s possible to resolve these conflicts, but only if you and your partner communicate openly and respectfully.

How comfortable are you asking for what you want? Are you able to express your needs, or do you tend to repress them to keep the peace? Similarly, does your partner trust that you’ll react calmly when they express their needs? Or do they bottle things up, then explode at the smallest thing when it all becomes too much?

Think back to your past disagreements. Were you able to resolve them with open communication, active listening, and mutual understanding? If so, you can probably resolve any unanticipated issues that arise when you move in together.

You understand each other’s expectations around the future of the relationship

Another aspect to consider is how moving in together will affect your expectations for the future of your relationship. Many couples view moving in together as a significant step in the relationship. Some even consider it the final step before marriage, which can create an unspoken pressure for you or your partner to propose.

Opening up dialogue about what moving in together means for your relationship in the long run is key to forming realistic expectations and mutual understanding.

Relationship therapy can help you figure out how soon is too soon to live together

If you’re still wondering how soon is too soon to move in together, relationship therapy can help. The answer to this question is unique to each couple, so your relationship therapist won’t give you a cut-and-dry answer. Rather, they will help you explore your concerns and empower you to find a move-in timeline that works for you as a couple.

Our relationship therapists work with individuals and couples in NYC and throughout the state. Explore our website to learn more about our Couples Therapy and individual Relationship Therapy services.

CLICK HERE to schedule a free consultation with one of our expert therapists.

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