How Can Couples Therapy in NYC Help Reduce Holiday Stress in Relationships?
For many couples, the holiday season brings joy, but it also comes with unique pressures and stressors that can strain relationships. From managing travel plans to navigating family dynamics, the holiday rush can amplify existing tensions and even create new ones. In her work as a couples therapist, Michelle Comery, LCSW, helps couples find effective ways to reduce holiday stress and maintain a strong connection amid the seasonal chaos in addition to couples therapy in NYC. Her approach focuses on open communication, self-awareness, and empathy, so couples can enjoy the season together rather than feeling overwhelmed by it.
Major Holiday Stressors for Couples
Michelle identifies several common stressors during the holiday season, each of which can impact the quality of a couple’s time together.
Travel: The logistics of travel—booking flights, packing, and managing schedules—can cause tension, especially for couples who approach organization differently. While one partner may prefer to plan every detail well in advance, the other might be more spontaneous, leading to last-minute chaos. Adding children to the mix introduces further complications, increasing the stress of getting everyone and everything ready on time.
Finances: The holidays often mean increased spending, from buying gifts to booking plane tickets or taking time off work. Michelle finds that many couples have different financial boundaries around the holidays, with one person possibly wanting to splurge while the other prioritizes a budget. This financial tension can easily escalate, especially when combined with other holiday expenses.
Gift-Giving and Love Languages: The different ways people approach gift-giving reflect their love languages and personal values. While some may prefer practical gifts or experiences, others may want a luxurious present that shows thought and attention. Differences in gift-giving styles can lead to disappointment or misunderstanding, especially if one partner feels that their gestures go unappreciated. Michelle emphasizes the importance of recognizing these differences and viewing them as opportunities to understand each other more deeply.
Drinking and Work Events: The holiday season is also filled with social gatherings, from family get-togethers to work parties, where alcohol is often present. Couples may have different approaches to alcohol, with one person feeling pressured to drink or abstain. These events also bring added pressure to make a good impression, especially for those with social anxiety or introverted personalities.
Family Dynamics: Family gatherings can bring up unresolved issues, differing political views, or even guilt-tripping (“You don’t see us enough”). For many, it’s also the first time seeing family members after an intense election season, which can further heighten tension. Michelle encourages couples to discuss strategies for handling family drama, so they feel prepared to support each other if things get heated.
Quality Time: With holiday errands and social obligations, quality time can easily slip away. Michelle stresses that the demands of the season shouldn’t override the need to maintain a sense of connection. She helps couples find ways to make time for each other, keeping the holiday season enjoyable and fulfilling.
How Couples Therapy in NYC Can Help with Holiday Stress
In Michelle’s sessions at The Keely Group, communication is at the heart of reducing holiday stress. She finds that couples who enter the season with a plan for managing expectations, boundaries, and their relationship are better equipped to handle holiday pressures. Here’s how she helps couples address each of these areas with the help of couples therapy.
Communicating Needs and Boundaries
When holiday stress arises, resentment and bitterness can easily build up. Michelle guides couples to communicate their needs honestly and respectfully. She emphasizes that many conflicts around the holidays stem from mismatched expectations, and by clarifying these early on, couples can avoid misunderstandings.
Through role-playing exercises and open discussions, Michelle helps couples practice phrases like, “When you said that, it made me feel…” or “I need some space right now, but I’d love to talk about this later.” By learning to express their feelings and boundaries in a constructive way, couples can defuse conflicts before they escalate.
Understanding Patterns and Triggers
Michelle also works with couples to trace recurring arguments, helping them identify the underlying issues behind them. For example, she might ask, “Is the argument really about what gifts you’re buying, or is it about feeling valued and understood?” By getting to the root of these conflicts, couples often find that they can replace their negative patterns with healthier ones.
For example, if one partner often takes on more “mental labor” around the holidays—like remembering family traditions or handling household chores—Michelle helps them communicate this need so that they can share responsibilities more fairly. This process of tracing and addressing the real issue can reduce stress and foster a deeper understanding of each other’s needs.
Creating a Financial Game Plan
Michelle encourages couples to sit down together and create a holiday budget that aligns with both of their financial values. She helps them navigate questions like, “Who are we buying gifts for?” and “What amount are we comfortable spending?” By discussing finances openly and creating a plan, couples can minimize financial stress and approach holiday spending as a team.
Acknowledging Differences in Love Languages and Gift-Giving Styles
Gift-giving can be a sensitive topic, especially if couples have different love languages. Michelle encourages couples to appreciate each other’s unique ways of expressing love and to communicate any preferences ahead of time. If one partner prefers practical gifts and the other values luxurious ones, Michelle suggests viewing this difference as an opportunity for empathy rather than disappointment. She also advises couples to let go of perfection and embrace the thought behind each gift, reminding them that it’s the sentiment that counts most.
Navigating Family Drama and Grief
For some couples, the holidays are a reminder of lost loved ones, which can make gatherings especially difficult. Michelle supports grieving partners by helping their significant other understand how to be there for them, whether it means allowing them to take a quiet moment or being present during emotional moments.
When it comes to family drama, Michelle encourages couples to be a united front, creating an agreed-upon strategy for handling difficult relatives. By discussing scenarios beforehand, couples can feel more prepared to support each other during tough situations.
Prioritizing Quality Time
The busy season can make it easy for couples to overlook quality time, leading to a sense of disconnection. Michelle encourages couples to schedule in “holiday dates” or small rituals to maintain a sense of togetherness. Whether it’s setting aside an evening to watch a favorite holiday movie or grabbing coffee together during a break from holiday shopping, these moments of connection are vital.
Michelle reminds her clients that the holiday season doesn’t have to be perfect; it’s more important to enjoy it together and make memories as a couple. When they take time to care for each other’s needs, couples can navigate holiday stress with empathy and resilience, turning seasonal challenges into opportunities for growth and closeness.
Reduce Holiday Stress With Couples Therapy in New York City, NY
Don't let holiday stress pull you and your partner apart—take the first step toward a stronger connection today. At The Keely Group, our couples therapy in NYC provides a supportive space to navigate challenges, improve communication, and reignite your bond during this busy season. Make this holiday one to remember for all the right reasons. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Read through our FAQ page to answer any lingering questions you may have about couples therapy.
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Additional Online Mental Health Services Offered at The Keely Group in NYC
In addition to helping you and your partner reduce holiday stress in your relationship with Couples Therapy in NYC, The Keely Group provides a range of online services tailored to meet the needs of busy professionals. We recognize that you may encounter various challenges in your daily life that can impact you and your relationships, which is why we offer online therapy services to assist you in managing these issues. Our main goal is to help you simplify your life, which is why we offer a variety of services, including: