(in)Fertility
Fertility Counseling & Family Planning in New York City
Fertility Problems
Maybe you’ve been trying to get pregnant for months (or even years) without any success. So, now all you think about is the list of possible reasons you're not getting pregnant. Do you constantly track your fertility cycle, maybe even to the exclusion of engaging in other activities you used to enjoy? Have you become an “expert” in fertility-related herbal supplements? Your relationship might also have lost some spark because every intimate moment has become so carefully planned around ovulation.
What you wouldn't give to know how and when you will finally be able to become a parent! Friends and family just don't get it, and their questions reveal either pressure or pity. As much as you want to be happy for your pregnant friends, you also feel a painful twinge of envy that makes you feel even more sad and hopeless. It is agonizing not to know what the future will bring when all you want is something that others seem to get so easily.
Are you wondering how to deal with infertility? Have you tossed and turned at night searching for reasons why you are not getting pregnant? You're experiencing difficulty getting pregnant, which leaves you feeling unprepared as you look ahead at the challenges of fertility treatment. Perhaps you have also suffered a painful loss in your effort to build a family.
Your journey to becoming a parent, whether for the first time or again, has not been smooth. You and/or your partner may have struggled with infertility, chronic pregnancy loss, or the endless financial and emotional burdens that come with assisted or third-party reproduction. Despite your best efforts, you can’t seem to tune out the loud tick-tick-tick of your biological clock. And you're wondering whether egg-freezing is something you should be considering.
Loneliness in Infertility
Perhaps your friends have had success through fertility treatments, but you're concerned about its effectiveness for you. Are you anxious about the strain that it may put on your relationship and your body? Or are you worried about the impact treatment might have on your work life, since you’ve heard so much about all the doctor visits involved?
You may find yourself struggling to feel happy for friends or acquaintances when they announce their pregnancies. And it makes sense that you'd wonder why some people get pregnant so easily when it’s been so difficult for you. Feelings of envy may cause guilt, shame, anger, or a multitude of painful feelings.
Do you wish more than anything that you could just be happy? Are you longing to navigate your path to parenthood while still being able to experience joy for other people and in your life as it is now?
Fertility Issues Are Common
If you’re wondering why it is so hard to get pregnant, you’re not alone. Infertility is more common than you might realize. In fact, 1 in 8 couples have difficulty with either becoming pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term. Additionally, about 15 to 25% of recognized pregnancies end in a miscarriage. Furthermore, that rate is understood to be 50% or more for pregnancies that terminated before they were known. Not surprisingly, infertility often gives rise to profound feelings of doubt, fear, and grief.
Relationship Impacts of Fertility Problems
Fertility issues can also have a significant effect on a relationship. You or your partner may experience guilt, anger, or resentment toward one another. One or both of you may become increasingly critical, of yourselves or of each other. Despite statistics that suggest causes of infertility are evenly distributed—about 1/3 male factor, 1/3 female factor, 1/3 combination, or “unexplained”—you may start placing blame on your partner. And, while you may logically know that you are not the only ones struggling with infertility, it can still feel isolating and lonely.
Some people won’t talk openly about fertility challenges because infertility can prompt a deep sense of failure. Between pressure from friends and family and potential feelings of shame, you may feel like this is your fault. So, you may be inclined to isolate yourself from others so you just don’t have to face it. You may even decide fertility treatments are too stressful, or maybe never going to work for you, and quit.
You may find yourself struggling with managing fertility protocols and wondering if it is even worth it anymore. However, we encourage you not to lose hope or make a decision based in fear. Fertility counseling can offer you new coping strategies and a framework to help you make educated decisions about your path to parenthood. It's best that these decisions aren’t driven by your desire to escape the pain that the family-building roller coaster can bring.
LGBTQIA+ Parents and Family Planning in New York City
The Keely Group welcomes and honors same-sex, trans+, and non-monogamous partners looking to start a family. We are a safe space for you to explore all that comes with IVF, surrogacy, and third-party reproduction. Our therapists understand that the struggles LGBTQIA+ families encounter in the family planning process are unique and deserve attention and support.
How Can Fertility Counseling and Family Planning Help?
Fertility counseling may not be the magic wand for becoming a parent, but it can give you a safe, neutral space to say what you need to. When working with an infertility therapist, you can speak without fear of judgment, retaliation, or disappointment. And, they will help you learn coping skills that might help you keep going if you decide that starting or continuing with fertility treatment is right for you.
The primary goal of our New York City-based therapy practice is to provide a judgment-free space where you can come to know yourself deeply. We want to provide a place where you can summon your own sense of empowerment and make it through even the most difficult times. Our therapists aim to help you uncover and understand your own wants and needs, not just those of your well-intended friends or family.
The infertility therapists at The Keely Group will always tailor their approach specifically to you. We want you to have the tools you need to overcome any emotional hurdles that might come your way. Fertility counseling and family planning is a draining process and it takes courage to get up and try again and again. Working with an infertility therapist in New York City can help with:
Finding the courage to try an IVF cycle
Proceeding with a frozen embryo transfer
Making decisions about freezing your eggs to preserve fertility
Processing the next steps after pregnancy loss or a failed cycle
Together, we will work through the grief that comes along with the inability to become a parent in the way you have envisioned for so long. Our therapists will strive to provide space for you to access what you need to build a life you love, even if it isn’t exactly as you imagined.
An infertility therapist will help you explore your thoughts, feelings, desires, and fears. We’ll develop methods to help you manage the stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, and guilt that can come with fertility challenges. And, we'll work through dealing with infertility when everyone else is getting pregnant. Our therapists are extensively trained in and utilize many different therapy modalities to help you in the way that works best for you.
Our Approach to Fertility Counseling and Family Planning
The Keely Group emphasizes strategies that you can take beyond the office and into everyday life. When you become overwhelmed by the complex processes involved in family planning, basic self-care might go out the window. This is understandable. It likely seems there isn’t time for self-care, or it feels like the only thing in your control. Self-care tasks can seem unimportant in contrast to the magnitude of building a family. However, neglecting even the tiniest bits of self-care can profoundly amplify stress. And this can have a negative impact on your mental health, in turn impacting your family planning potential. Together, we can teach you how to deal with infertility by helping you identify and gently reintegrate the parts of your life you’ve been ignoring.
The Founder of The Keely Group, Erin McMaugh Tierno’s first career was in reproductive healthcare policy and the intersection of reproductive and family law. While reproductive justice, activism, and advocacy are still important parts of her life, she realized along the way that she was most powerfully drawn to helping people emotionally, rather than through legal action. So, she became a therapist in 2006.
Many of the fertility therapists with The Keely Group have also navigated personal journeys with fertility and loss. We personally understand how important it is to have support through your fertility and family planning journey. So, we want to provide that knowing-without-assuming, nonjudgmental, unbiased support to you.
Our experiences as patients of reproductive medicine may be helpful in understanding the feelings and experiences you're having. However, we know that each individual's experience and path is unique. To provide our clients with the best care possible, our fertility therapists attain certification through the American Society for Reproductive Medicine’s Mental Health Professional Group to ensure best practices. As reproductive therapists, we strive to pursue the latest information, attend conferences, and receive continuing education courses. All of this is done to ensure we provide the most cutting-edge reproductive mental health services.
Building a family can be a long, painful road with many unexpected ups and downs. But, we want you to know that fertility counseling can help you to find peace with your situation, whatever path your journey may take.
At our New York City-based practice, we work with people for whom parenthood has been heartrendingly difficult. We help people develop autonomy in their reproductive lives and grow trust in their capacity to persist, whatever the outcome of their fertility journey.
Common Questions About Fertility Counseling and Family Planning in New York City
How is therapy going to help me have a baby?
There is a lot more that goes into having a child than the physical mechanics of the process. Fertility counseling will give you skills to handle stress and to keep your relationships healthy. Additionally, working with an infertility therapist can help get and keep you in a mentally healthy place. This makes it more likely that you'll be successful in your fertility journey.
I’m worried that counseling will be too expensive.
Family planning, especially Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) such as in vitro fertilization (ivf), is expensive! We understand your concern about the cost of fertility counseling. However, we would counter that people are often more successful when they have the necessary support system. Without support, it can be easy to get discouraged. This could look like using unhelpful or even self-destructive coping strategies that lead to painful outcomes, like dropping out of fertility treatment prematurely. Infertility counseling can renew your optimism and help you to keep going IF that is what you decide is the right path for you.
I’m worried you’ll think my problems have to do with my childhood, not the present.
There’s a common misconception that therapy is always about “digging up the past.” But, this is not always the case. As things arise, we may ask questions about your history to better understand where you are today. If you want to discuss something from your past, that’s perfectly fine. However, we are most concerned with helping you now and making sure that you have tools and coping mechanisms to help you achieve what you want most.
Begin Fertility Counseling and Family Planning in New York City
The infertility therapists at our New York City-based counseling practice have the experience and understanding to support you during family planning. Plus, you can access all of our services from a distance using online therapy in New York. If you are ready to begin, follow the steps below.
Contact The Keely Group using our contact form.
Meet with an infertility therapist for a free 20-minute consult call.
Find support for infertility struggles and guidance for your family planning journey..
Find Support with Other Services at The Keely Group
Aside from fertility counseling, our New York City therapy practice has many services to offer:
